JOKE... shut up

Boy- i love you.
Gal- shut up.
Boy- i will die for you.
Gal- shut up.
Boy- i can't leave without u.
Gal- shut up.
Boy- i will buy blackberry for you.
Gal: wow! really?!
Boy: shut up.

Girls sha!!!

GALS GALS GALS
Confused people... SOME of them don't know what they want

~ He is not handsome
~ He isn't tall enough
~ He can't pay my bills
~ He's too fat
~ He's too slim
~ He is too stingy
~ He got no swag

~ He's not my type
~ OMG, God forbid, him? Never

I pity una... stay there and keep being selective and keep comparing while your mates are busy getting married every Saturday... When you are up to 40, then you would know life without a man is not worth it...

Stop playing hard to get or dey do like person wen no dey shit..

True or False?

Funny but true..

•if a girl laughs loudlyshe is cheerful
•if a boy laughs loudlyhe is manner less
•if a girl talk sweetly she is charming
•if a boy talk sweetly he is flirt
•if a girl is shopping she is trendy
•if a boy is shopping he is wasting money
•if a girl is silent she is sad
•if a boy is silent he isbeing rude

•if girls walk in groupthey are group
•if boys walk in groupthey are gang.

~ Click like if you agree

~ Comment if you disagree

joke... what would be your response?

Imagine u hav called 666,
wat could be the response????
"Welcome 2 Hell Customer Care...
...To know Ur funeral day press 1,
...Ur life balance press 2,
......Enquire ur sins press 3, ....Redeem ur sins press 4.
....Press 5 to speak directly to satan's secretary.....
Sorry u have insufficient sins to complete this call, please top up......
lol

joke... my name is kelvin not a nun

A cab driver picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."

She answers: "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that ther

e's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds,

"Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be a Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"

The nun says, "OK, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child." said the nun, "Why are you crying?"

"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and a I'm a Baptist."

The nun says, "That's OK, I am on the way to a Halloween party, and my name is Kevin."

joke... This is your first time

A Couple never fought in 25Yrs!!!!
.
A friend asked - How did U make it possible ??
.
.
Husband - We went 2 Shimla for our Honeymoon, While Horse riding My Wife's
Horse jumped & my wife fell down, she got up,
patted the Horse's back & said"Dis is your 1st
time"
.

After a while, it happened again. She said "dis is your 2nd time" & .
When it happened the 3rd time, she took out a
gun & shot the horse.
.
I shouted, U psycho, U killed the horse.
. She gave a grave look & said "dis is your 1st
time". & Since then we are very happy...

on a lighter mood!!! 5 things American movies teach us:

5 things American movies teach us:
1. Chinese have nothing better to do than teaching or practice Kung Fu.
2. More than 50% of U.S. population are FBI/CIA agents, working undercover.
3. The purpose of school system Of U.S. is to promote Basketball and Baseball.
4. Aliens have special interest in attacking U.S.
5. U.S. is a place where you can meet all mythical creatures like werewolves & vampires.

5 things Indian Movies Teach Us:
1. At Least one of the identical twins is born evil.
2. While defusing a bomb, Don't worry, whichever wire you cut… you “always choose the right one".
3. A hero will show no pain while getting beaten up; But will show pain when a girl cleans up his wound.
4. A detective can solve a case only when he is suspended from duty
5. If you decide to start dancing on the street, everyone you know will AUTOMATICALLY know all the steps

joke... greater problem

Wife: You always carry my photo in your hand bag to the office. Why?

Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how powerful I am ?

Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can
there be greater than this one?"

joke... my name is zzzzzzzzfunke

On Sunday a gang went into a church and started closing windows and doors.
They told the congregation that they were going to kill everyone but in alphabetical order. They went to the Rev.
What is your name?
Rev: Zoseph Zmith
Lucky you,
Pianist: my name is Zemanuel Zwilliams but one of the ushers over there is Abigail Ann.
You lying bastard,the usher replies. My name is Zzzabigail Zzzann. Wat name wud u ve mentiond if u were to be around??

joke... dinner was cancelled

At Dinner Little Jhonny was ordered to lead in Prayer.
Little Jhonny : “But I dont know how to pray ?”
Dad : “Just pray for your family members, friends and neighbours, The Poor, Etc”
Little Jhonny started the prayer :
Dear Lord, thank you for our visitors and their children, Who finished all my cookies and ice cream. Bless them so they wont come again.
Forgive our neighbor’s Son, who removed my Sister’s clothes and wrestled with her on her bed.
This coming christmas, Please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies on my Daddy’s Iphone and provide shelter for the homeless men who use Mom’s room when daddy is at work.
Amen

Dinner was cancelled.

joke...just to be sure

A husband sent a text to his wife last night,

"Hi babe I'm at the pub with some lads, please try and wash all my dirty clothes and make sure you prepare my favourite dish before I return."

(50 minutes later)

The man sent another text, "Babe I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car"

She text back immediately,

"Omg really?" 
I replied,"No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message."

joke; I passed

Gal: Dad can i ask u something????

Dad: Yes go ahead huny

Gal: Which one's good, to pass or to fail???

Dad: To pass dia

Gal: Then u'd be proud of me ryt???

Dad: Why???

Gal: Because i passed my pregnancy test dad!!!!

YOU HAVE TO READ THIS - MEN AND WOMEN THINK DIFFERENTLY!

YOU HAVE TO READ THIS - MEN AND WOMEN THINK DIFFERENTLY!
Two women are chatting in an office.

Woman 1: "I had sex last night, did you?"

Woman 2: "Yes."

Woman 1: "Was it good?"

Woman 2: "No, it was a disaster... my husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?"

Woman 1: "Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!"

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.

Husband 1: "You wanted sex last night, how was it?"

Husband 2: "Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, had sex with my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?"

Husband 1: "It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour - and when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't climax for another hour. After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!"