joke... my name is zzzzzzzzfunke

On Sunday a gang went into a church and started closing windows and doors.
They told the congregation that they were going to kill everyone but in alphabetical order. They went to the Rev.
What is your name?
Rev: Zoseph Zmith
Lucky you,
Pianist: my name is Zemanuel Zwilliams but one of the ushers over there is Abigail Ann.
You lying bastard,the usher replies. My name is Zzzabigail Zzzann. Wat name wud u ve mentiond if u were to be around??

joke... dinner was cancelled

At Dinner Little Jhonny was ordered to lead in Prayer.
Little Jhonny : “But I dont know how to pray ?”
Dad : “Just pray for your family members, friends and neighbours, The Poor, Etc”
Little Jhonny started the prayer :
Dear Lord, thank you for our visitors and their children, Who finished all my cookies and ice cream. Bless them so they wont come again.
Forgive our neighbor’s Son, who removed my Sister’s clothes and wrestled with her on her bed.
This coming christmas, Please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies on my Daddy’s Iphone and provide shelter for the homeless men who use Mom’s room when daddy is at work.
Amen

Dinner was cancelled.

joke...just to be sure

A husband sent a text to his wife last night,

"Hi babe I'm at the pub with some lads, please try and wash all my dirty clothes and make sure you prepare my favourite dish before I return."

(50 minutes later)

The man sent another text, "Babe I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car"

She text back immediately,

"Omg really?" 
I replied,"No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message."

joke; I passed

Gal: Dad can i ask u something????

Dad: Yes go ahead huny

Gal: Which one's good, to pass or to fail???

Dad: To pass dia

Gal: Then u'd be proud of me ryt???

Dad: Why???

Gal: Because i passed my pregnancy test dad!!!!

YOU HAVE TO READ THIS - MEN AND WOMEN THINK DIFFERENTLY!

YOU HAVE TO READ THIS - MEN AND WOMEN THINK DIFFERENTLY!
Two women are chatting in an office.

Woman 1: "I had sex last night, did you?"

Woman 2: "Yes."

Woman 1: "Was it good?"

Woman 2: "No, it was a disaster... my husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?"

Woman 1: "Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!"

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.

Husband 1: "You wanted sex last night, how was it?"

Husband 2: "Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, had sex with my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?"

Husband 1: "It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour - and when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't climax for another hour. After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!"

Someting Against Divorce

• • BONE FROM BONE
    
    Divorce is the growing sickness of our age, threatening the very existence of the home. Approximately one in every three marriages ends in divorce, and evidence suggests the toll is rising. The sharp upward rise began in 1969, when 639,000 couples broke the record set in 1946 with the dissolution of many hasty wartime marriages. Since 1969, the divorce rate has steadily increased more than the marriage rate and the population growth. Commenting on the current attitude toward divorce, lawyer Max Lichtenberg says, "Marriage is no longer viewed as something made in heaven. It's a legal contract."
    
    This "worldly" view toward marriage is tragic and totally anti-biblical. Jesus pointedly said of the marriage relationship: So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate (Matthew 19:6). Jesus tells us that marriage is a union, not a contract.
    
    The special nature of marriage was further illustrated when God created woman. Note that the females of all other species were created independently of the male. However, when God created woman He drew flesh from the man's flesh and bone from his bone. Man is incomplete without woman because she is part of him. Woman is incomplete without man because he is part of her. In marriage, a union of the two is formed, and they become one flesh. A broken union is a rift in God's creation. Adam said of Eve: This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man (Genesis 2:23).
    

joke: exam wahala

Three University guys dodged exam becauses they did not read. They came up with a plan, got themselves dirty using grease then went to see the Dean. ”Sir we are sorry we couldn't make it to the exam. We attended a wedding and on our way back the car broke down thus we became so dirty as you can see. The Dean understood and gave them three days to prepare. After three days they went to the Dean very ready for the exam becauses they had studied. The Dean put them in there separate classes. There were only four in the exam paper;

1. Who and who got married? (25 mks)
2. Where was the reception held? (25mks)
3. Where exactly did the car broke down? (25mks)
4.What type of a car broke down? (25mks)

Good luck, your answers must be the same.
 Na how dem wan do am ?